There are many ways that people deal with grief and we will be taking you through the process of death, dying and bereavement and the different ways to handle grieving.

The way we deal with mourning someone is a very
individual process and there is not one correct way, as we are all individuals and we deal with grief is different ways.

These days, having a loved one live with a terminal diagnosis for an extended period of time is fast replacing sudden and unexpected death as the norm. Consider, for example, that two thirds of those who are diagnosed with cancer currently have a five-year survival rate.

The result of all this is that death has become a less and less sudden and unexpected event. In its place has come a process that begins with a life-threatening diagnosis, proceeds through a period of treatment (or treatments), and ends eventually in death. This process means that both the terminally ill individual and the family are increasingly confronted with the need to ‘live with death’ for a prolonged period of time.

Because the nature of death and dying has changed so dramatically, the way we grieve has also changed. The new grief differs from traditional ways of dealing with a close lose signicantly, not the least of which is that it includes the terminally ill person. In addition, what has increasingly become a protracted process as opposed to an event not only leaves individuals to mourn but typically draws in the entire family of the dying person for months or even for years. This process has the potential to alter lifestyles and force families to confront issues that once were dealt with only after the death of the loved one. It can easily evoke issues from the past that were never fully addressed or resolved.

GRIEF IS A FAMILY MATTER:

The fact that grieving someone is a family matter as much as it is an individual one. What is needed is a new template—one that is relevant to families and their experience. That is what we present here. This model is intended to be a road map that you and your family can turn to as you navigate your way through the current realities of death and dying. And by the way, when we use the word family, we include not only blood relations but all those who have a significant connection to the person who carries the diagnosis.

 The challenges that families must face when  confronted with a terminal diagnosis of  a loved one are  complex. They include evolving new structures and  dynamics as the  person they love slowly slips away. It  means learning how to cope with setbacks and    deterioration as well as periods of seeming remission. It  means dealing with the  complexities of extended  mourning,  which can wear individuals down and lead at  times  to  uncertainty or the unpleasant feeling we get  when we  find ourselves wishing that  the process  would end. It  means talking with a dying loved one about mortality and  other issues that do not arise when death strikes suddenly and unexpectedly. It  means learning to make space for extended heartache in lifestyles that are typically  busier than those of earlier generations.

Perhaps most important, the new grief involves confronting family issues that may have been dormant but unresolved for many years. These issues typically re-emerge as families move past their initial reactions to a terminal diagnosis and are forced to interact and work together through a process of extended mourning. Finally, it means moving forward together as a stronger family after a loved one passes.

Without understanding and without guidance in each of these areas, family members who are forced by circumstances to cope with prolonged grievance are vulnerable to serious psychological consequences, including depression, guilt, and debilitating anxiety. These circumstances can even lead to physical illness. Whole families are vulnerable to rupture as a result of a resurgence of unresolved issues that are unearthed as a result of a prolonged terminal illness in a loved one. Even loving couples may find their relationships in jeopardy as a consequence of unwanted lifestyle changes. What families need now—and will need in the future—is guidance for how to anticipate and deal with such issues. You can also see here at what courses we have on the issue when someone is nearing the end of their life.

We are proposing here a five-stage model for family grievance. However, we want to caution readers not to expect that there will be hard-and-fast boundaries separating these stages. While virtually every family will experience each stage, you should not expect one stage to simply end and another to begin. On the contrary, anticipate finding yourself dealing with issues associated with more than one stage at any given time. In addition, the stages vary in length and intensity, depending, for example, on the length of the terminal illness and whether there are any significant periods of remission.