Continuing  our month of poems to express solidarity with everyone touched by breast cancer:

Looking Back.....

How did I get through all that crap?
Where is SHE now? Who was I then?
The choices we made remembering them...
I think back to those dark times Wondering how I got through it "Don't know how you did what you did" It's a case of having to isn't it?
There's an inner strength lurking there, you don't know you've got it You're in that dark hole having an outer body experience Is this really happening to ME? Perhaps I will wake up soon, and find it's a dream!
The choices you had... Were they choices at all?
I lost a year

Who is SHE staring back at me? Not the person I knew before Will SHE come back or has SHE gone? Who decides that?
"Can you live with it wondering if it's still there? Is it? "How do you feel?" Well, I don't know is this real?
Can any one help?
We could talk....
"Do you remember how you felt before?" One day I was fine, the next wham.... "How do you cope with that?" I don't know!
"How do you feel?" the biggest Fear, is it real?, it's surreal.
Does a day go by when you don't think about it?"
What if?.........
"Let's have facts, believe, do not catastrophise, do not agonise"
But what if....... How do you know? You don't so..........
Ok so who's here now? ME or SHE? Is she me? I don't know?
I don't want to cry anymore..... I don't want to think am I cured I want to know.... "But you don't do you?, and you can't"
I can talk now..... Re-live the fear, anxieties, pain, anger, (oh yes there's lots of that), dread, distress, disbelief, horror, thinking about what they did to ME, how I reacted and felt SHOCK, "think it's post traumatic, didn't cope well with DX" Well I was on a roller coaster, I wanted it to stop but it wouldn't It took me to places I didn't want to go
"Can you let it go?" I'm not sure should I?
Is that why I'M here and not HER? Where is SHE?
"Are you coming to terms with it?" Is that possible? Do I have to? Should I?
Do you know what it feels like? Do you want to? Shall I try to tell you?...............

Posted by sarssquatty on the Breast Cancer Care Poetry Thread on 9th October 2012.  sarssquatty wrote that "this is one of my "efforts" I wrote when I was having treatment/ had just finished it".

Don't forget that if you do need further information then Breast Cancer Care provides an excellent starting point.   Follow the link: https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk